Alone with everyone around me

We swap gestures of greetings, we say hello ,and goodbye but does it make us any closer or is it just another lie that you tell yourself when you call me a friend when all I i see is a dead end , a relationship with nothing to defend, when we both know there is no one to depend upon because it hasn't been for that long and I'm the only one who feels wrong for playing along...... Yet you call me a friend when I still name you as an acquaintance even though i was the one pulling the load trying to make it work but you thought it was same as the other times when they cared as little as you did tossing it aside in the pile of memories that would never last before you could see the difference but how could you see when your already so blind from everything you hide inside and not understanding that the pain wasn't just yours its also mine which was from the premature relationship you destroyed. It doesn't matter though you don't know any better none of them do because we're human that's what we do. And its also why I love you, with my heart bombarded it is still strong for the ones who do not know their wrong it is a curse and a blessing to have such strength to forgive so much I'm not saying I know better I can be as blind as the rest but the difference is that i have no hate in my heart towards anyone when there is no point it only grows tasteless fruit. It hurts so much to see others walk into my life only to watch them run out. I will wait for one that is as loyal as me even if it take an eternity.